Joaquin must have been at least three days old before I’d recovered enough from his arrival to give him a thorough once-over. As I scanned his wrinkled body, I was astounded by his completeness. “All I want is a healthy baby” is a common response to questions about whether your child is going to be a boy or a girl, but when I thought about the criteria for a healthy baby, I didn’t envision little wrists and ankles, tiny fingernails or miniature knuckles. I could even feel a heartbeat when he fell asleep on my chest.
Joaquin’s spiritual presence was even more shocking than his physical attributes. Behind the unfocused eyes breathed a soul, which manifested in his already-apparent personality but was more encompassing than his quirks and desires. Frightened beyond words at the concept of being being responsible for his physical well-being, I found myself terrified by the challenge of nurturing his deepest self.
Tending to our own soul needs is the starting point for the soul care of others. If we aren’t capable of answering our soul’s call, we’ll find it nearly impossible to respond to someone else’s. That means making sure we nourish our innermost desires for intimate relationships, self-expression, and beauty (as well as aggression, anxiety, and envy). The wonderful thing about caring for our own being is that doing so naturally expands. The attention paid to arranging flowers in our favorite vase, for example, spills over to our children and partners.
There are ways, of course, to intentionally tend to our children’s souls. The best way I’ve found is to be continuously curious about the facets of their existence beyond day-to-day practicalities. For instance, I try to nurture Joaquin’s love of trains not just through gifts, for but also by taking him to railroad crossings and train stations. A calm stillness descends upon him as he watches freight cars pass and listens to the chime of the crossing bell.
I don’t really know why he loves it so, but that doesn’t matter. My duty as a parent is to honor the depth of him that does.
Image: Lome Aseron
