Following on from our fantastic interview last week (click here if you missed it) I asked Dr. G for some specific advice on how to successfully balance running a business with being a present and engaged Mom. Dr. G is not only a Board Certified family physician and a professional parenting writer and speaker, she is also a mother of four, so she is more than qualified to answer a question like this! Here is her expert advice on two of the biggest challenges a new Mompreneur may face:
Question: I’ve been a stay at home Mom since my children were born but now that they are both in school I’m planning to start my own home-based business. What do you think are going to be my biggest parenting challenges in making this change, and what advice would you give me?
Answer: Have you heard the three most important factors in real estate? Location, location, and location. Well, the three most important factors for moms are time, time and time. These are the challenges.
Most parents look forward (at least partially) to all the free time they’ll have when their kids are out of the house at school or preschool. This turns out to be a myth. Consider the dropping off and picking up, the volunteering at school to chaperone or help out occasionally, the sick kid days, the no school days, the chores you need to do that are tons easier without children in tow… The message here is to keep your expectations reasonable. If your kids are out of the house 20 hours a week, you’ll be able to pull off probably 10 hours/week of work. That is a quarter-time job.
A lot of moms transitioning from ‘stay at home Mom’ to ‘work at home Mom’ also think “And I’ll be able to get a lot done after the kids are in bed.” You are likely to be just as tired after their bedtime this year as you were last year! If you’re a night person, this may work for you. However, since you might want to have a good relationship with a partner, remember that this is often “couple time” that your are thinking about sacrificing. Figure another 5-10 hours/week at night, at best.
Last time challenge – competing priorities. As a mom, you’ve probably already struggled with the dueling needs to parent, cook, clean and relax a little. When you add in a new business, you add in a big pull on your time and attention. Many mompreneurs liken this to having a new baby. The biggest challenge of starting your own work-from-home business is that you could work on it all the time. There are no set hours and then you know you’re “off” until the next shift.
So what are the solutions? Three solutions and you’ll be well on your way to success, no matter what your business!
- Have reasonable expectations. Your time will not expand to allow you to accomplish an unlimited to do list. You’re a mom, so you know that already. No matter how tempting, don’t promise yourself or anyone else time you do not have. Keep track of how long the pieces of your job take, and budget your time just as you would your money.
- Set clear boundaries. Decide which hours of which days you work, write them down and stick to them. Not only will this keep your business from taking over your life and your relationships, it will significantly lessen your guilt! WAH moms can easily fall into the trap of feeling guilty about not working AND not mom-ing enough. When you decide on work hours and stick to them, you can eliminate a lot of that guilt.
- Live your priorities. As a woman who has clearly put family first as a SAHM, you do not have to change that as a WAHM, unless you decide to do so. Decide also where household chores and fitness and hobbies fit on your list. Don’t forget the pieces of your life that make you feel human. When two projects or needs compete for your time and attention, try to return to your list of priorities and shift what you can so that your schedule actually reflects your values.
Working from home can be very rewarding and allow for a great deal of flexibility, creativity and initiative. The key is to make sure that your schedule serves you, not the other way around!
Question: I have been a ‘work at home mom’ for almost a year. I made this change partially to be more available to my kids and that is working. But now I don’t get any “me” time. I used to have lunch time at work, travel to and from etc, to be by myself on occasion, or to be with friends. What can I do to live in the grown-up world a little and still take good care of my family?
Answer: When you were a ‘working out of the house Mom’ the “me” time happened without too much effort. Even better, it was such a natural part of your life that you probably didn’t feel guilty about it.
Now you’re going to have to carefully schedule your adult time. Make plans to take a proper lunch at least once a week and switch off completely. Most businesses, even work-from-home businesses, can benefit from the occasional face to face meeting. Plan exercise time. Put it on your calendar, and don’t cancel it for anything less important.
You have already done the hardest part! You recognize the value of “me” time! So many people – mostly moms – drop this priority to the bottom of the list. When needs compete – and they always do, right? – women are much more likely to take care of someone else’s needs before their own.
Sometimes, putting someone or something else first is the right thing to do. A sick child trumps date night. A call from school is more important than a haircut. Your spouse’s emergency requires you to change your plans. All of these choices are valuable, make your family understand how important they are to you, and model loving behavior to your kids.
What about smaller concerns, though? Should you go for lunch when your child asks you to stay home and play a game? Is your child’s homework “emergency” enough of a reason to cancel a date with your partner? Is your husband’s guys’ night more important than your girls’ night? Should you stop exercising each morning because it gives you a little more time to clean the house?
My point is twofold. First, what you already know: taking time for yourself makes you a better mom, partner, and worker. Secondly, when you take time for yourself you are teaching your children to value you, and to value themselves as adults.
If you’ve been feeling guilty, don’t! Modeling the skill of taking care of yourself is a great lesson for your children. Perhaps our daughters and sons will grow up with a more balanced sense of what it means to nurture, if they see their moms nurturing their own mental and physical health.
If you have questions about this or any parenting topic, please check out Dr. G’s website here. You can also follow her on Facebook or on Twitter.
Related Posts:
10 Tips For Busy Moms On How To Keep Sane And Be More Efficient
“Isn’t being a Mom enough for you?” – CHOOSING to work, and the Mommy-guilt that comes with it
Image Credit: porbital / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
‘Me time’ is a huge priority in my book and I think Dr. G’s views on this subject are dead-on. It helps me put things in perspective to ask myself, “How would I tell my son to deal with this?” I always find that my opinion drastically changes. I would never tell my son to sacrifice his sanity for anyone, even his kids. As moms we forget that our children don’t NEED us 24 hours a day. They have fathers, relatives, and babysitters the can take care of them when we need a break and we shouldn’t feel guilty about it. I understand not being able to get out of the house but still do my best to find ‘me time’ even with my son around. One thing I do is set my son up with some toys, a drink, and a movie, make sure he’s fed, and pull out my headphones and laptop and cruise around the internet. I usually watch TV online or check out parenting blogs. It took a while for me to find a decent site for watching TV but a coworker at DISH recommended DISH Online and I’ve been using it ever since. I like it because I can watch my shows on demand without setting a recording and it gives me a dose of the real world where adults use big words and tackle serious issues. If I decide to read instead, I keep the headphones on with or without music playing. I stay in the same room so if he really does need something, I’m right there but he’s much less likely to ask for anything since he has to put in such an effort to get my attention with my headphones on.