As many of you know, I am an adoptive mom. My husband and I brought our son home from Ethiopia a little over a year ago. We decided that I would stay home to be with him. It was tough transitioning from a full time job to being the full time mom of a 1 year old with all the responsibilities being a mom entails. That first year, I was overwhelmed and my tasks seemed never ending. A big challenge was finding the time to recharge my batteries, what I call Mom-Me time, so I could be more fully present for my family and myself. Mom-Me time is getting out of the house and really taking time for myself like having a cup of coffee, seeing a movie, getting my hair done, or having lunch with a friend, etc. Living on one income, we couldn’t really afford a sitter to give me that time. I had to find other ways to take a break.
One thing I found that helps lessen the stress a bit is waking up at 5:00 a.m. on weekdays, the same time as my husband. It’s ridiculously early, but I basically have 2½ hours all to myself. Once up, I start my day with a hot shower then read some spiritual literature and practice meditation. My meditation lasts only 5 minutes and I find it difficult to clear my head, still I get somewhat centered as a result. During the rest of that precious time before my son (The Littlest E) gets up, I prep for the day, check emails, and catch up on DVRed TV programs.
While The Littlest E is taking his nap, there’s a limited amount of time that is usually busy time as there are things to do, cleaning, preparing dinner, and other household duties. I confess that, if he takes a longer nap and I have the time, I watch TV. It’s somewhat relaxing, yet I’m still home and in the thick of things. I wish I were a daytime napper, but I’m not.
Throughout my first year as a mom, I did my best to use those brief periods of time to unwind; I had to. Often it worked and the stress level remained manageable. Inevitably, I’d get overloaded and not know how to communicate to my husband my state of being. Only in the midst of a meltdown was I able to spit out the words “I NEED A BREAK!” My husband’s a wonderful man, but he can’t read my mind. He doesn’t know what I need until I state it. Once he knows, he’s more than willing to give me some down time. So, after that first meltdown, I took my Mom-Me time and went to a movie. It felt so good to get out. I came home much more relaxed and ready for anything.
Over time, I don’t know if being a mom has gotten easier or my ability to communicate has improved, but when I need my Mom-Me time, I can ask for it without any angst. It doesn’t take much for me to feel rejuvenated, a couple of hours are sufficient, and when the Mom-Me time happens, it’s absolutely wonderful.
My son just started preschool and now I have 6 extra hours a week. 2 of those hours will be spent driving to and from school, so that gives me 4 hours – major Mom-Me time. Those 4 hours are my new best friends. I get excited thinking about how I can spend that fabulous 4: jogging, running errands, reading with thought, writing, and visiting friends. It’s not much so I best make the most of it. I’m a lucky gal to have made it through my first year of parenting with my sanity in tact. I have my husband and my valuable Mom-Me time to thank for that.
Image: d3b..*
Amen, sister. As a mother of three, often my Mom-me time is locking the bathroom door to just take an uninterrupted shower! You have intuitively done what many of us still don’t know how to do well. I applaud you!
Ellen, thanks for checking out the magazine and reading my blog. I hear you on the uninterrupted shower! I can only imagine the challenges of taking mom-me time having 3 kids. Guess we have to grab it when/where we can.
I love this article. Thank you for giving a name to the absolutely necessary moments for ourselves!!! Now, if only I could muster the courage to wake up before my little girl, who’s still nursing at night…. :P
Rovianne, thank you for reading the blog. My little guy sleeps through the night, so, even though I’m still tired every morning, I am getting 7 hours of relatively uninterrupted sleep. Hope you’re able to find some mom-me time!
Great post Melanie. As new moms we think we can do it all until we crash. We have to know that’s its ok to ask for help and say “I need a break to” something I’m not good at either but working on more Mami time.
Thanks, Irene! It’s a delicate balancing act. It’s hard to ask for help, but like you, I’m getting better at it, too! Have a great rest of your week, and thanks for reading my blog!