The friendships you have pre-baby can be pretty different than those you acquire in your “new” life.
Oh, sure, we’ll always have those good pals from high school and college with whom we can pick up right where things left off. That’s a gift. But the day to day pals can be barely recognizable from just a few years past. Let’s break it down:
Pre-Kid Pals-
The Designated. Whether she’s the driver, the planner, or the one whose parents have the cool timeshare, she’s the one who knows what is what. And let’s be honest; sometimes it’s a luxury to go with the [brand new restaurant/here's how you fold a roadmap] flow.
The Caregiver. This person has kept a spare toothbrush for you at her apartment ever since that awful fight you had with your boyfriend. ( For example.) She’s also the one who’ll bring you soup and crackers when you’re ill, and has no compunction about holding your hair back for you. At least none that she’d ever mention.
The True Blue. You’ve never straightened up your place for her arrival- in fact, she’d be ticked if you did. She knows all your best stories (and still laughs), your darkest secrets (and would never share them), and would be delighted to while away a Sunday watching a Law & Order marathon with you.
The Party. In all seriousness, sometimes we need someone to doll us up and drag us out to a hair metal cover band. And people only say that knowing the bouncer isn’t a necessary life skill- that is, until they have to stand in the line with the rest of the plebeians.
And The Post-Kid Lineup-
The Confidant. You can complain about anything to this pal: your family, other friends, your husband, the weather…and nothing will ever be repeated. Ever. This friend is a gem in how she responds to your issues- she does nothing. Nothing, that is, except for nodding and genuinely agreeing. This friendship is cool because it can exist over text and stand the test of time- i.e., getting together every few months. Treat this friend well and use her skills sparingly. You do not want to risk burnout.
The Angel. Feeling like a bad Mom? She assures you that you’re hands-on and wonderful. Need a nap? This one might even take one with you and the kiddos (after she’s helped fold the laundry on your bed.)
The Same Stage Of Life Pal. It’s such a relief to have a friend to whom you have to explain nothing. Toddler’s tantrum on the playground? She doesn’t bat an eye. Thinking about art classes for the Fall? She’s got two great recommendations. And she’s already enrolled her kid in the one that works for your morning schedule. Think this one’s not such a big deal? Try telling your single pal about nipple balm. That’s what I thought.
And on that note…The Wielder Of The Lifestyle You Used To Have. Just as it’s crucial to have someone on your kid’s same nap timetable, it’s also clutch to keep that excellent pal who can remind you why you’re still You without your mini sidekick. These friends are mighty tolerant of overtired ramblings and the occasional spit up. Appreciate them, for without them you’re liable to go out to dinner wearing a hoodie and having no idea who Nicki Minaj is.
Sometimes these friends transition along with you. (I’ve got some excellent True Blues and Caregivers who became Angels and Wielders!) And sometimes they don’t. (My Party thinks children are…confusing.) But you’ve got to be a good pal, too, whether you’re an aforementioned archetype or a mix of a few of them. Because there’s few things more obnoxious than a gal who disregards the people who keep her running- regardless of her age and lifestyle.
Especially if they have access to a good timeshare.
Image: Pink Sherbet Photography
