Since confessing to friends and family that I put the television away in a dark closet the responses have followed a predictable pattern:
“You are brave.”
“My spouse/kids would never let me!”
“I couldn’t do that. I need the break.”
“How do you keep them busy?”
“What about movies?”
“But I’d miss [insert favorite TV show here].”
“My kids only watch [insert number of hours or minutes here] a day.”
There is also the whispered confession, “We love having no television.”
My husband tell me his co-workers just make fun of him.
Most of the responses have two aspects, the first is that the speaker thinks I have become a snob. They think getting rid of my television has made me believe that somehow I am practicing a form of morally superior parenting. In fact, I’m not at all interested in engaging in hurtful judgements over a family’s television habits. The amount of attention small children require during the day is intense, frustrating, and overwhelming. Understandably, parents jump at the chance for the effortless relief television provides. I certainly don’t feel that my parenting techniques are better than others’ just because I decided to no longer allow my boys to watch television, even just the 30 minutes a day, which was my supposed, and oft broken rule.
The second aspect of other parents’ responses is that I am going to loose just a touch more of my sanity than before, now that I don’t have TV as back-up entertainment. Well, I have news for you: I don’t have any sanity to lose, so no problems, there.
The reason I threw out the TV was simple: drugs.
In her book, The Plug-In Drug, Marie Winn quotes The New York Times television critic, Jack Gould, who in 1948 (yes 1948) wrote:
Children’s hours on television admittedly are an insidious narcotic for the parent. With the tots fanned out on the floor in front of the receiver, a strange if wonderful quiet seems at hand…
Upon reading this, I realized that I was in serious danger of becoming addicted, not to my own television viewing habits (which are slight), but to my kids’. But the greater the fix I got, the greater my anxiety over what all that television viewing was doing to my kids’ brains. Oh yes, I’ve read the books and articles linking TV to poor performance in school, increased risk of ADHD, increased aggression, decreased family communication, among other dreadful, Armageddon-like complications. What I was witnessed with my own children was increased crankiness after the television, decreased interest in free play and the constant badgering to watch something.
Most importantly, however, was that I knew watching television was replacing crucial life experiences. I was worried that, as the sociologist Urie Bronfenbrenner wrote, “turning on the television set can turn off the process that transforms children in to people.”
But as every addict knows, it is really hard to get rid of the drug.
The tipping point came one night when I had managed not to turn on the television, despite my husband’s late arrival coming home. The boys and I had completed a million puzzles (Yes, a million. I never exaggerate.) and the mood was relatively calm. I turned to my oldest son and said, “We didn’t watch TV, and look how much fun we had together.” He turned to me and lit up! Lit up! That was a much, much more powerful drug than tranquilizing my children in front of the TV.
The years in which my children need intense attention are short. In fewer than two years, they will both be in school full-time. I’m not a parenting saint for turning off the television, I’m just trying to survive, drug-free, like everyone else.
Or maybe I’ve just replaced one drug with another: human togetherness.
Image: rjs1332
Love it! Good for you! I know my husband would never get rid of the television, but I do make a conscious effort to keep it off during the day. Thanks for this information.
I think this post is great! I agree that TV is a drug, and I have often thought about getting rid of it entirely. We do observe TV turn-off weeks, and while there are various grumbles, we always make it through just fine :) Honestly, I do really like having the TV for the purposes of watching programming on PBS and watching DVDs…otherwise, I could DEFINITELY live without it!!
I have also experienced “What I was witnessed with my own children was increased crankiness after the television, decreased interest in free play and the constant badgering to watch something.” And is one of the main reasons we don’t have a TV.
I’m not actually convinced that television helps me as a parent in the long run, because my kids usually seem more grumpy after watching than they were before – and less likely, as you observed, to engage in free play. We have a television because it doesn’t get used much, and it’s important to my husband. If how much it is on becomes a problem, I may reconsider…
I grew up in a TV-free home, and the one downside was having no idea what the vast majority of pop culture references were about. But these days you can just look up the plot summary of popular programs online =)
“Turning on the television set can turn off the process that transforms children in to people.” This is so true. First of all, as a teacher, I know that especially younger children’s brains develop from interactions with their environments and people around them. Second of all, I grew up without TV, and, as a result, my siblings and I were more creative. We created magical kingdoms in our backyard, turned our basement into a candy making factory, and read more books than you can imagine! Throughout my tutoring/childcare experience, I’m always astounded by how much TV other kids watch. I know parents who call “Dora the Explorer” the nanny or suffer through The Wiggles so that they can attain that “wonderful quiet” you mention. I even babysat for a 5 year old with his own macbook!
As an adult, I’ve also sworn off TV. I have to admit, I’m a movie-addict, but not having TV ensures that I’m not always at home frying my brain. Instead, I spend more time exercising, visiting my friends, or building up my business. Not having the instant gratification of TV allows me to reflect on my daily life without distraction (of course there’s always others)…
Agree on crankiness. I only turn on TV when I need to get on a late afternoon conference call and cannot have interruptions. Luckily it doesn’t happen often.
I’ve been curious to read this since you mentioned a while back that you were going to write it! I readily admit that I am a bit of a snob and not entirely judgment-free, but I love being TV-free.
Beautiful! We’ve been tv-free for over 4 years (2 years before we even had a kid). I find the effects of the change on me have been more powerful than I expected. I think more clearly, I feel more creative, I have learned to “unwind” by reading, writing, or doing yoga instead of “vegging”. Not having a tv readily available keeps my son safe from the persistent and aggressive marketing attacking his peers from every direction. I am proud to say my kid has no idea who Dora is. I am not a snob or a hero. I just want positive change for my family. I want my kid to love books and nature like I do. Thanks again for your post!
Yes! I wish I could say that we’re TOTALLY Screen Free, but we’re not. 2 weeks ago I turned everything off, hid the remote controls and video games. Since that time we have watched one borrowed library movie (and I spend some time on the computer). And you know – the kids were VERY excited about Home Movie Night! (Before it was just another ho-hum family activity.) I also erased our calendar free of activities, except for this past Saturday’s special library and bowling outing! And guess what? The kids haven’t once mentioned being “bored”! They rediscovered their bikes and board games! They’ve delved into the Arts and Crafts drawer for hours. And the books, books, books! We’ve got a good portion of the house decluttered and cleaned up. The garden is getting the long overdue attention it needed. We’re sitting down to relaxed, unhurried dinners. And the kids are squabbling less! I was asked recently about giving back to TV, video games and computers, but I think I’d rather stick to this and give them TIME!