Last week I spoke about diversity and how great that is for a child. My buzzword this week is homogenization…and how good that can be for a parent.
Sameness can be clutch in many situations; ice cream servings amongst a group, the comfort of weeknight rituals (The Office, anyone?), and more recently for me- in parent friendships.
Now, I’m not talking uniformity in what my friends look like or where they’re from; it’s way bigger than that. What makes or breaks a new relationship for me is parenting style.
It takes a bit for a new parent to form their maternal or paternal identity. (Way longer if you’re going solely by books.) I’ve found that my parenting style was forged by my reaction to meal times (easy going as long as manners are present), playground activities (not a hoverer but will alert you if your kid is poking mine with a stick), and bedtimes (strict as an Irish nun).
Having a kid changes almost every single relationship in your life- even with people you thought would be of a like mind. Turns out, nothing divides people more than Organic or Not. Unless you’re talking Designer or Thrift. Television or No T.V. Ever Don’t You LIKE Your Kid?
And while it’s not imperative to agree on the minutiae of child-rearing (because, jeez- I’d hope we could talk about other stuff, too), nothing brings a multi-family meal to a halt like the origins of your toddler’s beverage. (Or apples or meat or crackers.)
We’ve had friends openly berate us for not having 100% of Nora’s food come from farmer’s markets and high-end grocery stores. (For the record- half of her food is organic. Which is already ridiculously expensive. And considering that a whopping 0% of my food is that pristine, I don’t exactly feel like we’re making her rummage through the trash.)
My husband and I have some neighbor pals with a daughter slightly younger than ours. We were very excited to become excellent friends (and yes, it is like dating. But with way higher stakes). Because they live superbly close to us. Our daughters play extremely well together. The couple is really cool. But most importantly? When we get together, our kids just sorta do their thing. When it’s meal time, the girls eat the same portions. If I fill their daughter’s sippy with milk while replenishing Nora’s, they drink the same kind and there are zero gasps of horror at the brand. In short, I can treat their child like I treat my own.
And it’s incredibly refreshing to be that casual with someone. When I was little, I remember getting slathered with sunscreen by a family friend, handed a snack by the neighbor, and scolded by a pal’s mother when we were being impossible monkeys. (And no one even asked my mother about our chemical/zinc preferences, food aversions, or disciplinary tactics.)
I want those kind of friendships- and am lucky enough to have a nice group of such already. Parenting is a tricky enough minefield to maneuver and, as they say, it takes a village to raise a child.
Or, more aptly for me, it takes a village of like-minded acquaintances who don’t mind if the kitchen hasn’t been mopped in days and don’t think my mothering techniques are off…or if they do, they’re chill enough to not let it ruin their day, their kids’ day, or mine.
I like that one.
Image: D. Sharon Pruitt
Awww. You’re the best. Unless you’re talking about another neighbor couple. In that case, be sure to bring them to the next gathering. Either way, we love having you guys as friends. It truly IS refreshing to have such a casual and sincere couple relationship while watching our daughters play so well in the same yard. Someday they’ll actually play WITH each other. At that point you are more than welcome to reprimand E when she pokes N with a stick or is acting like an impossible monkey.
Angie- Are you kidding? Em is definitely the Gallant to Nora’s…well, I hate to say “Goofus,” but…I think we know who’d be wielding the stick. Maybe it’s the girl who refused to leave your swing. Even when she was out of watermelon.